not a memoir!

it seems that I'm still under the sad mood of death... and I don't feel like writing... so I searced in my old files... to find this email that I sent once to my friends... here you go... it was sent in 28-02-05...

[[I really admire him!!! I listen to him... he is saying something.... but what I hear is... find a notebook... not a memoir of your day... but of your life.... I know there is a difference.... I didn't tell him I had done that once upon a 5th year.... but... running to my home!!! To the place I once owned... and wiping dust of that small notebook... oh God... did I write this? Did that someone tell me that? My memory is foggy...
I went to that place…. And I knew reading… "Each eye has a tear… Each lip has a smile…. Each heart has a sigh…. Each face has a story… can't we read anymore??.......... downtown- Shabsoog str. – 29th / Nov. /2003" …
I used to talk with me… "–Say!! - What..? – Remember!! – Who..? – That day!! – When..? – That place!! – Where…? – I….!!! – What..? – Forget it!! - Why?!! - …… - ??!! ….. 103 hall arch. Dep. 29th / Nov. /2003"…
Sometimes… I met wisdom… "You don't loose patience if you always have something else to do!! … Internet lab, main library, 2nd / Dec. /2003"…
I was so strong at sometimes… "Why minding the jury when your concept is
"و قل اعملوا فسيرى الله عملكم و رسوله و المؤمنون" My studio, 17th /Dec. / 2003
Even when I was silent to others… "Oh Silence… my best friend why do you keep on hanging around me!! Always accompanying me!!................ Dr. Yasir office, 17th /Dec. /2003"
And I felt ecstasy at other times……" Glimpse at a place and a memory revive… no matter of the old feelings…. Ecstasy is reborn……….. Passing in front Dar al Omran, 21st /Dec. /2003"
Sometimes despite all the people around me… I chose talking to my old good friend… again… "-Today I buried a friend… -what friend?!....- just a bee… I met yesterday… I was crying and it lay dead on the window sill… I thought how merry it life would've been and how miserable my life was… I sank in my thoughts and forgot the bee… today… I was looking through the window when I glimpsed the bee… remembered yesterday and buried the bee!!... – how heartless you must be!................ during Ms. Leen lecture 21st /Dec. /2003
And wow… I was a good fighter… and a sarcastic too… "Get the Vibration on again!!....... home, 23rd /Dec. /2003
And never did I forget him… how can I??? "The moon is always there…. Lonesome and full… it is us that don't know how to see………….. Dakhlia circle, 28th /Dec. /2003"
How good it feels to know that… "Gotta do what you wanna do!.................. 5th year studio, 15th /Jan./2004"
Did I know it was the last time…. I don't think so…. But…. "Keep it hidden… keep it secret… ENCLOSE… then head to the end… successfully =>………………… Amman Arena, Amr khaled's lecture, 3rd /Mar. /2004"……….

Was I always holding into that notebook???? Why did I start??? Why did I end??? Maybe… it felt the right thing to do once… but… somehow… the right… seemed wrong… when the balance was disturbed…
I… I… made the choice… no… the two choices…
I… think am gonna make a new choice… now…]]

It's really weird to read my thoughts and feelings back then... shows how much we change... how much we grow... and how different we are from what we were... subhan Allah....