Going off...

Lately I haven't been myself...
And it is hard for me to admit that something is wrong...
But... I think I'll take some time off...
Reflecting upon nothing but myself...

Till we meet again...

Lonesome!

There can't be two...
There must be one...

A loner... circling...

White... only wishes...

They can kiss the face... but they can never win the heart...

The heart is lonesome....

So is one...

Amman Autumn Mood

Time...

It's a lie, you know... what they say about time... being a healer and all that...
Time...
Time is a drug... a narcotic... it numbs you... but it heals you not...
Time don't wash away your feelings of sadness... it stops you feeling...
Time buries down live emotions... emotions that you are too coward to deal with... or to weak... Time takes them... down... to a place far... but still you know it is there...

Time is a cheater...
Time is no healer...

Texture of Amman IV

While walking around Jabal Al-Qala'a ... with students of basic design...













:: Previously : Textures of Amman, Textures of Amman II, Textures of a building site, Texture of Amman III...

Random reflections on prejudice...

:::::
More than 4 years ago... To be deserving of his precious time and supervision you had to be an A student that he once taught... you had to be thinking on the same lines of his own mentality... regardless of the fact they he is only supposed to supervise you and not to dictate you... And if you thought yourself up to a challenge... that you had a chance to rebel against prejudice... The price was a C+...

:::::
People always assume something about me when they see I'm wearing the veil...
I either get people who assume they know me well enough... someone once told me that based on the fact that I'm wearing the veil... he thinks I'll fit perfectly in his institution ... I told him... not to think he knew me just because I wear it... still he was very sure of it... That was one of the reasons I decided not to work with him...

And then I get the other side of it... the looks of what the hell she is doing here? She doesn't fit? Ah... she is wearing the veil... she must be a close minded person...
And they give you the looks and the remarks... just to make you feel more and more uncomfortable...

:::::
When will people realize that the institutionalization of education is bound to fall apart...?
Does it really make me less knowledgeable than you just because you hold a PhD and I don't?
Does it signify which University I graduated from?
How come all the efforts I put on teaching my self... on educating my self... all the hours I put on reading... researching... analyzing and working ... is worth nothing... just because I'm still not a PhD holder?
I'm sorry... I'm not convinced...

:::::
When a man proposes to a woman they both have to pass the list prescribed by the families and society.... the right age... the suitable education and job status... the right level of religion [between liberalism and conservatism]... the financial and societal status... while at it... make sure the girl doesn't have a sick brother... and has a pretty face to be perfect in the precious family photo albums...

:::::
When Obama won the elections a lot of people got excited about the idea of a president from an African origin to rule the USA... I found it annoying that despite this seemingly victory over prejudice... we still labeled him... we still highlighted the fact that he came from a certain race... so... we still considered race as an issue... and we still have prejudices...

:::::

if you only walk long enough!

[[`Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

`I don't much care where--' said Alice.

`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.

`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.' ]]

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

~

After a pause... I'm walking again....

a memory...

It's a weird thing... a memory I mean...
It takes you back... no... it lives to its own time...
within its own logic...

Making you floating... in a land with no land....

وما تبقّى من عظام بائسٍ غريق *

images taken in Portobello Beach | Edinburgh | 2006

* من أنشودة المطر لبدر شاكر السياب

equal... freedom

Speaking of Equal opportunities and freedom of choice...

My newest nook...

It's me in the corner...



And the unmistakable view of Amman... the city... I have to be in...

Nothing any more!

Have you ever wanted so much to reach a level where nothing really matters?
Where nothing would ever shock you?
Where him or her won't have any control over you.... over how you feel??

I wonder if that is ever possible...
But Oh, How much I want that!!!

Bad Cozmo ad!

This is a very poor ad that I came across in a magazine...
In order for Cozmo to advertise its [mouth watering, succulent range of meat,....] they put a piece of raw meat shaped as a heart... and the worst is the tag line [Even vegetarians love us]...
I'm a Semi-vegetarian... and if it wasn't for family pressure I would be even more vegetarian... the only thing I felt when seeing this ad... was disgust to say the least... though I don't eat red meat because I feel for the animals or for religious reasons... I just happen to dislike the taste of red meat and believe that it is more healthy to exclude meat from my diet..
Still the look of the raw meat... is very annoying to me... and I think many more strict vegetarians will agree...
I think the ad had the counter effect of what it was supposed to...
What do you think?

Driving in Jordan

Yesterday my brother was in his way to pick me up after work... He was driving on a main road... as he spotted a taxi coming from a perpendicular minor road to his left... My brother who had the priority to keep moving... started alarming the taxi with horns...
Regardless of the horns and the big [STOP] sign... the Taxi driver decided to cut off the road... my brother couldn't do much at the point...
He said... [suddenly it all went black] and just like that... an accident occurred...
Thanks to God's Grace my brother was wearing the safety belt as he should and nothing happened to him... if the accident took place one second after... the taxi would have squashed my brother... Instead it was the car's front...

Road accidents are a daily routine in Amman's traffic scene... I don't remember the statics but I know they are horrifying enough...

I always think about traffic and how to solve the problem... and here are a list of things I suggest people in charge should take into consideration...
:: All Taxi drivers should give up their driving licenses and enroll in a [driving rehab] center... where they are subjected to proper training on how to drive... anyone who fails... should change his career...
:: Same should happen to bus drivers... though the whole public transportation buses should be re-thought and re-done... we need more than bigger brighter looking buses... we need good drivers... we need established and well distributed bus routes... and we need regular schedule... this is an ABC thing in any modernized urban city...
:: We need to make the laws of driving actually efficient by not making anyone above or beyond the laws...

This last one is a bit different... but since I always think of it... I thought to mention it here... [[though a bit out of the context... ]]
:: There should be a law that regulates the purchase of 4x4 cars... if you look around you'll find so many people driving these big cars... and the drivers are young guys and girls.... who probably bought it to show off...
The problem with these big cars is that they consume more fuel and there are a long list of the harms of consuming more fuel on top is Earth's health... also these cars take up larger space on the roads causing more traffic jams...
4x4s are cool cars... but I think they were invented more for suburban family life style... and not an urbanized cramped city...

My brother Alhamdullilah was saved... but I know many others were/will not....

There are many other things that SHOULD be done to solve the problem of road accidents... we have many campaigns... but awareness is not doing much...

It is time for ACTION... hopefully before it is too late for someone...

The Moon of 14th...

Cactus Kid Ads Banned

So... apparently a lot of people found these two ads offensive... and they managed to force them banned...
more here...

The Narratives* | 18

18

[Why...?]
He sat crying in shock...
[What did I do wrong?]

The twittering bird...
Peaceful, silent and motionless...

The bird was too wild to stay in...
But The bird is too beautiful to be gone...

[Why...?]

* The Narratives: stories, events, and scenes that happen[ed] inside and around my head…

Texture of Amman III

While Walking around Rainbow Street...














:: Previously : Textures of Amman, Textures of Amman II, Textures of a building site...

I like to move it...

For all the goodness you bring to my life... my dearest Moath and Mariam... I love you

Happy Eid

Happy Eid everyone... may God accept from you all your good deeds... and may He continue to shower us with His love, mercy, peace and blessings...

Mercy like the Rain!

Thank You as you deserve for all the goodness You bring to my life...

Jordan University Farwell | Take 4

**BEFORE YOU READ**
* This post is based on my own personal experience... Don't ask me for proofs or names!
* For more positive outlook on JU check my take 1, 2 and 3...

This time I'm going to talk about the downsides of Jordan University... which are more than I can permit myself to recall...

:: No one does their job and yet they expect you to do yours perfectly... beware saying that to them... they will be very ofended...

:: When they give you money they make you feel as if they are giving you Charity... well... HELLO! You HAVE to pay me...

:: They assume that if you are a single woman then probably you'll be spending your money on useless things... so don't complain if they are late or don't give you your money at all..

:: People give you only half of the information... no one actually takes the trouble of explaining to you the options or the full story...
One example when they gave me a scholarship... part of the money was an X amount for health insurance and if you didn't use it you have to give it back... so... I saved the X amount until I returned to discover that they want a Y amount which is more and though it said something different on the contract they made me pay because they claim to have given me the Y amount... and I should've guessed by myself... and after many fights... I had to pay!
another recent example is when I left I had a problem with my legal serving time in exchange of the scholarship... so they told me that there were two options... one they said is too complicated and they didn't explain it to me and the other is a longer [and dumber] solution but will solve the conflict... so I went for the second one... only to discover later that by making me do that they have saved themselves from paying me my un-taken holidays... which would've gone to the amount of +700 JD...

:: Even if you are a teacher with no real office... you can't have the keys of the two rooms you give your lectures in... simply because the ******** who is responsible for these rooms don't like the fact that you are spending too much time with the students in these rooms aside from the lecture time!!! Even worse when taking it to the dept. chairperson he took the side of that person over you!

:: You have to be careful when using your computer to check your personal emails or anything... because an X person has not much work on his hands that he likes to dig behind you and hack your emails... Can I blame him... maybe I recieve more intersting emails than he does... The worst part is that he baosted to me that he can hack into my emails! SICK!!! PATHETIC!!! and yet he is the one who have the keys!!!

:: Who said that the interent is free for all? Darling... think again... even if the students pay for using the net... we should ban them... BAN... BAN... BANG!

:: The money is always misplaced... to solve a non exsiting problem... for glass box a shop in case someone snap a snack bar... for planting over a concret pavement just because some highly important person plans to visit... for putting useless CCTVs in a building where the worst a student can do is pick his nose or use the bathroom too often!!!

:: If you do your job very well... then it is much better if you leave!

:: To get a better position you have to have strong connections... of any sort... but nothing to do with your qualifications!

:: They treat you as a memeber of the teaching staff when it is in their best interest... but when you ask for one right of yours... like attending a world wide conference... you stop being a teacher... well excuse me... I don't usually come to University to drink coffee, smoke and have chats with people...

I think I better stop here... it is very sad for me to see what's happening at JU... I don't know whom should I blame... or how to expect a change... is it the problem of this instituation or the problem of the whole country?
I don't know... but I really hope that oneday... professionalism will prevail... and things will be better...

Textures of a building site

Jordan University Farwell | Take 3

We always meet people that change us... people that make us better persons... In the three years I worked at JU/ Faculty of Arts and Design... I have met quite a good number of them...
:: HRH Princess Wijdan... In 2004 she was the Dean of the Faculty... and from the early beginning I was impressed with her professionalism... Princess Wijdan is a tough boss... she liked things done her way... at least her way was the right way... but as I got to know her... I discovered how sweet and motherly loving she can be... she used to talk to me... discuss with me things related to Art and Islam... and she recommended some interesting books for me to read... she has supported me when I was about to leave JU for my Post grad study abroad...
In her artwork... beside using Arabic calligraphy in an eye engaging way... you can see and feel both the feminine presence and the Islamic heritage...which for me is very fascinating... She herself is a walking encyclopedia in Islamic Art... which has been always charmingly challenging and sometimes controversial...
I remember the day I said goodbye to her... she was in a faculty meeting... but nevertheless she stood up... and she gave me a good hug... and asked me to take good care of myself and to stay in touch... That was the last time I saw her... Now she is the Jordanian Ambassador in Italy...

:: Hakim Jamain... he is probably the only Jordanian artist that I met and can think of as a true and an honest artist...
I worked with Hakim as his assistant and I remember the many talks we had... where he expressed his views about art, and life... he is a Maverick no doubt... Hakim rekindled in me the spirit of a child... he taught me how to walk and be in unison with what's around me... he taught me new ways of how to see... how to perceive... and how to feel the artful world around... Hakim was if I can say a true friend... he listened to my problems and gave me advices...
He is a person I'm very proud to have known even if for a very short time... he left JU before me... and now he resides in Cairo... flying freely once again...

:: Ruba Haddad... I can't say how much she has been a supporter for me... and how much she means to me... she has become one of my closest friends... people always comments that we are so different... that they don't seem to understand how we click... but in fact me and Ruba share much more together than what meet the eyes...
First time I saw Ruba was back when I was a third year student in Architecture... she was a graduate student... her project caught my attention... and I was standing shyly looking at her putting her last touches on her presentation boards... she was very nice and smiled at me... 4 years after that we met again... but as co-workers...
Ruba... is a very creative person... her head is always full of sparks of crazy ideas... she is very challenging... and she really made my stay at JU an enjoyable and fun thing to do... She always listened to me... and understood my point of view... and she had helped me in so many ways... that she can't even imagine... We have quarreled many times... but we always manage to understand where we went wrong... Ruba is indeed one of the people I will always remember no matter where the tide will take me...

:: Last but not least the long list of MY STUDENTS who have changed me... who made me a better person.. I can't write down their names... I don't want to miss out a name... but when they read this... I'm sure they'll know themselves... They were very challenging to me... they made me want to work harder... and they made my classes very enjoyable.... it is because of them that I knew part of who I am... and I can't express my thanks enough...
I'm proud of them as if they were my children... and I will always remember them... and hope to see them successful in their lives...

As much as I'm excited and happy that I'm leaving JU... part of me... is sad... for I really had some of the best days of my life...
[[That was a memorable day for me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day. ]] Charles Dickens, Great Expectation

Rasem Badran's Lecture at GJU

Today Arch. Rasem Badran gave a lecture for the fresh students of architecture and design at German Jordanian University...
And here are my notes of the lecture...