[[BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING]]
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot don't seem as fun. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
being twenty something....
though am not great fond of forwarding emails... but this one is actually good... I truely can relate to it... being... at excatly my mid twenties... =|
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Art and Culture in Jordan
As a fresh person to the arty world, I’ve always heard criticism related to the art and culture movement in Jordan. I thought it to be severely true… but as I got introduced to more Jordanian artists I began to feel that the picture wasn’t gloomy as people portrait it…
To start up with literature… one of the types that Jordanians are known for are the art of writing short stories…
No one can argue about the beauty of novels where a person leave her/his place and go to another world… where she/he become part of a story that somehow must’ve happened once upon a time… but… short stories has another charm related to it… it is highly conceptual… using less words to convey much more… condensed images… strong poetical phrases… quickly you read it and you are transformed… I believe that less is more… but more is more as well… so the difference is what is it more of?! And in that answer lays the magic of words in a short story… one of my favorite short stories Jordanian writers is Khalil Qandeel...
As for Architecture… though Amman is under massive changes which mostly are “junk architecture”, there is a couple of good architects who really respect their work and manage to stop the outside chaos from effecting their inside serenity… and still we can spot some masterpieces every once and awhile… among my favorite architects in Jordan are Sahel Hiari and Ammar Khammash...
Now moving into the visual arts… this is so hard for me to be impartial since working for a whole year in the faculty of Art and Design in the University of Jordan has introduced me to some of the good artists who became my work partners… however I must say that there is something in their lines, colors and compositions that struck me deeply… among my favorites are: HRH Princess Wijdan Ali, Dr. Ali Al-Goul whom I was privileged to be his student in my second year in Architecture Dep., and Hakim Jamain whom I was privileged to work closely with, he even tried to teach me some graphic art techniques. The list of visual artists goes on and on…
Finally coming to the audio art… and that’s where we hear the most of criticism, some would say that we don’t have [Arabically] recognized singers and performers. This for me is praise rather than censure. In the turbulence of commercially driven musical arts, Jordanians pause and give out the best. I should say that I’m not yet well exposed to what is going in this field in Jordan but I still have two favorites whom I always listen to their soul touching music with the originality of the melodies, the softness of the instruments and vocals and the conceptual realization of music as a universal language. These are: Rum, and Nawzen Elia Khoury.
So… the art and culture movement in Jordan is very promising… there is something different about it… Jordan was the stage for many events that took place and still is. And though Amman is relatively a new city it has inspired many to produce art objects that can only be described as masterpieces.
At a time where everything is driven by mass production… some Jordanian artists stand out and give us a single light that can last for a while…
To start up with literature… one of the types that Jordanians are known for are the art of writing short stories…
No one can argue about the beauty of novels where a person leave her/his place and go to another world… where she/he become part of a story that somehow must’ve happened once upon a time… but… short stories has another charm related to it… it is highly conceptual… using less words to convey much more… condensed images… strong poetical phrases… quickly you read it and you are transformed… I believe that less is more… but more is more as well… so the difference is what is it more of?! And in that answer lays the magic of words in a short story… one of my favorite short stories Jordanian writers is Khalil Qandeel...
As for Architecture… though Amman is under massive changes which mostly are “junk architecture”, there is a couple of good architects who really respect their work and manage to stop the outside chaos from effecting their inside serenity… and still we can spot some masterpieces every once and awhile… among my favorite architects in Jordan are Sahel Hiari and Ammar Khammash...
Now moving into the visual arts… this is so hard for me to be impartial since working for a whole year in the faculty of Art and Design in the University of Jordan has introduced me to some of the good artists who became my work partners… however I must say that there is something in their lines, colors and compositions that struck me deeply… among my favorites are: HRH Princess Wijdan Ali, Dr. Ali Al-Goul whom I was privileged to be his student in my second year in Architecture Dep., and Hakim Jamain whom I was privileged to work closely with, he even tried to teach me some graphic art techniques. The list of visual artists goes on and on…
Finally coming to the audio art… and that’s where we hear the most of criticism, some would say that we don’t have [Arabically] recognized singers and performers. This for me is praise rather than censure. In the turbulence of commercially driven musical arts, Jordanians pause and give out the best. I should say that I’m not yet well exposed to what is going in this field in Jordan but I still have two favorites whom I always listen to their soul touching music with the originality of the melodies, the softness of the instruments and vocals and the conceptual realization of music as a universal language. These are: Rum, and Nawzen Elia Khoury.
So… the art and culture movement in Jordan is very promising… there is something different about it… Jordan was the stage for many events that took place and still is. And though Amman is relatively a new city it has inspired many to produce art objects that can only be described as masterpieces.
At a time where everything is driven by mass production… some Jordanian artists stand out and give us a single light that can last for a while…
Thursday, April 27, 2006
me... and mona's camera!
My high school friend Mona came to visit me all the way from Amman to Edinburgh for a couple of weeks… it was the time of our lives… we had so much fun… and well... For a change I was myself an object to the camera lens… here are some pictures that Mona took of me without me knowing…
Mona dear… you are already missed here…
Mona dear… you are already missed here…
Monday, April 24, 2006
24/4.... when memories collide...
trnaslation:
"In the cold days / in winter / when the sidewalk is a lake / and the street is drowned / this girl has come / from her old house to await him.
He who had told her to wait / but he has gone away / and forgotten / and she withers away / in winter."
lyrics and translation courtesy of the lavent
more about the picture here...
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Evening of Inspiration
Last night was the evening of Inspiration 2006/ Glasgow… a charitable event held by the great people in Islamic Relief…
The evening featured some good nasheed singers… like Native Deen from USA, Zain Bhikha from South Africa and Sami Yusuf from UK… with other performances by someone from Pakistan and “Tanoora” from Egypt…
The Evening was great… masha Allah… the idea of all these people gathering to celebrate and enjoy in a way they believe is [halal]…
Without going into so many details about this [for now]…
But there is some strength in the way… we all chant… “Allahu Allahu Allahu”… and “He was Mohammed… mercy to mankind…”
I’ve seen those young children… with their enthusiasm and love for fun… all chanting and singing… and I do believe that this a good alternative…
Native Deen… the rappers… their rap style… gets to the youth… and their lyrics are impressive with the same notion of how rappers sing about the street life… but those are discussing issues related to Muslim youth… who are living out there… trying to understand their identity… anyways… they are really good… masha Allah…
Zain Bhikha… well known for his sweet voice… his calm tone… and his spiritual lyrics… his style is more simple… and pure… but he never fails to uplift my spirits… masha Allah…
Sami yusuf… the new Muslim celeb… his voice and songs range between the spiritual and the pop… amazing lyrics… very up beats… I kindda like his style though sometimes I think it might be over-done…
But seeing his influence on the youth… insha Allah it is good…
Anyways… to feel the ceiling above you shaking from the sounds of the audience singing along is certainly empowering… masha Allah…
May Allah help those and the rest to make their intention pure and sincere for His sake… and may Allah bless those who try to make a good difference…
p.s. I have some videos but for the sake of helping people at Islamic Relief I’m not going to share it… but know that there is a coming DVD of this event so make sure to put your hands on it once out…
p.s. the tour is still on… make sure to check out the rest of the evenings in UK… Bradford… London… Birmingham, Manchester and Cardiff…
The evening featured some good nasheed singers… like Native Deen from USA, Zain Bhikha from South Africa and Sami Yusuf from UK… with other performances by someone from Pakistan and “Tanoora” from Egypt…
The Evening was great… masha Allah… the idea of all these people gathering to celebrate and enjoy in a way they believe is [halal]…
Without going into so many details about this [for now]…
But there is some strength in the way… we all chant… “Allahu Allahu Allahu”… and “He was Mohammed… mercy to mankind…”
I’ve seen those young children… with their enthusiasm and love for fun… all chanting and singing… and I do believe that this a good alternative…
Native Deen… the rappers… their rap style… gets to the youth… and their lyrics are impressive with the same notion of how rappers sing about the street life… but those are discussing issues related to Muslim youth… who are living out there… trying to understand their identity… anyways… they are really good… masha Allah…
Zain Bhikha… well known for his sweet voice… his calm tone… and his spiritual lyrics… his style is more simple… and pure… but he never fails to uplift my spirits… masha Allah…
Sami yusuf… the new Muslim celeb… his voice and songs range between the spiritual and the pop… amazing lyrics… very up beats… I kindda like his style though sometimes I think it might be over-done…
But seeing his influence on the youth… insha Allah it is good…
Anyways… to feel the ceiling above you shaking from the sounds of the audience singing along is certainly empowering… masha Allah…
May Allah help those and the rest to make their intention pure and sincere for His sake… and may Allah bless those who try to make a good difference…
p.s. I have some videos but for the sake of helping people at Islamic Relief I’m not going to share it… but know that there is a coming DVD of this event so make sure to put your hands on it once out…
p.s. the tour is still on… make sure to check out the rest of the evenings in UK… Bradford… London… Birmingham, Manchester and Cardiff…
Monday, April 10, 2006
[upon islamic culture] 786!!
The Islamic nasheed is getting more and more popular... and alot of the youth finds it as a good alternative for harmful music...
and some people are actually making good business out of it...
personally I like it... I really do feel that it is a good thing... and can help youth to form a sense of identity to something they are proud of...
one of the lovely new [bands] is 786... and this is one of thier videos...
good videoclip... soul touching lyrics... and a good melody... enjoy... and don't forget to make dua'a....
if you like to know more about other nasheed artists go to meem...
and some people are actually making good business out of it...
personally I like it... I really do feel that it is a good thing... and can help youth to form a sense of identity to something they are proud of...
one of the lovely new [bands] is 786... and this is one of thier videos...
good videoclip... soul touching lyrics... and a good melody... enjoy... and don't forget to make dua'a....
if you like to know more about other nasheed artists go to meem...
Sunday, April 09, 2006
not a memoir!
it seems that I'm still under the sad mood of death... and I don't feel like writing... so I searced in my old files... to find this email that I sent once to my friends... here you go... it was sent in 28-02-05...
[[I really admire him!!! I listen to him... he is saying something.... but what I hear is... find a notebook... not a memoir of your day... but of your life.... I know there is a difference.... I didn't tell him I had done that once upon a 5th year.... but... running to my home!!! To the place I once owned... and wiping dust of that small notebook... oh God... did I write this? Did that someone tell me that? My memory is foggy...
I went to that place…. And I knew reading… "Each eye has a tear… Each lip has a smile…. Each heart has a sigh…. Each face has a story… can't we read anymore??.......... downtown- Shabsoog str. – 29th / Nov. /2003" …
I used to talk with me… "–Say!! - What..? – Remember!! – Who..? – That day!! – When..? – That place!! – Where…? – I….!!! – What..? – Forget it!! - Why?!! - …… - ??!! ….. 103 hall arch. Dep. 29th / Nov. /2003"…
Sometimes… I met wisdom… "You don't loose patience if you always have something else to do!! … Internet lab, main library, 2nd / Dec. /2003"…
I was so strong at sometimes… "Why minding the jury when your concept is
"و قل اعملوا فسيرى الله عملكم و رسوله و المؤمنون" My studio, 17th /Dec. / 2003
Even when I was silent to others… "Oh Silence… my best friend why do you keep on hanging around me!! Always accompanying me!!................ Dr. Yasir office, 17th /Dec. /2003"
And I felt ecstasy at other times……" Glimpse at a place and a memory revive… no matter of the old feelings…. Ecstasy is reborn……….. Passing in front Dar al Omran, 21st /Dec. /2003"
Sometimes despite all the people around me… I chose talking to my old good friend… again… "-Today I buried a friend… -what friend?!....- just a bee… I met yesterday… I was crying and it lay dead on the window sill… I thought how merry it life would've been and how miserable my life was… I sank in my thoughts and forgot the bee… today… I was looking through the window when I glimpsed the bee… remembered yesterday and buried the bee!!... – how heartless you must be!................ during Ms. Leen lecture 21st /Dec. /2003
And wow… I was a good fighter… and a sarcastic too… "Get the Vibration on again!!....... home, 23rd /Dec. /2003
And never did I forget him… how can I??? "The moon is always there…. Lonesome and full… it is us that don't know how to see………….. Dakhlia circle, 28th /Dec. /2003"
How good it feels to know that… "Gotta do what you wanna do!.................. 5th year studio, 15th /Jan./2004"
Did I know it was the last time…. I don't think so…. But…. "Keep it hidden… keep it secret… ENCLOSE… then head to the end… successfully =>………………… Amman Arena, Amr khaled's lecture, 3rd /Mar. /2004"……….
Was I always holding into that notebook???? Why did I start??? Why did I end??? Maybe… it felt the right thing to do once… but… somehow… the right… seemed wrong… when the balance was disturbed…
I… I… made the choice… no… the two choices…
I… think am gonna make a new choice… now…]]
It's really weird to read my thoughts and feelings back then... shows how much we change... how much we grow... and how different we are from what we were... subhan Allah....
[[I really admire him!!! I listen to him... he is saying something.... but what I hear is... find a notebook... not a memoir of your day... but of your life.... I know there is a difference.... I didn't tell him I had done that once upon a 5th year.... but... running to my home!!! To the place I once owned... and wiping dust of that small notebook... oh God... did I write this? Did that someone tell me that? My memory is foggy...
I went to that place…. And I knew reading… "Each eye has a tear… Each lip has a smile…. Each heart has a sigh…. Each face has a story… can't we read anymore??.......... downtown- Shabsoog str. – 29th / Nov. /2003" …
I used to talk with me… "–Say!! - What..? – Remember!! – Who..? – That day!! – When..? – That place!! – Where…? – I….!!! – What..? – Forget it!! - Why?!! - …… - ??!! ….. 103 hall arch. Dep. 29th / Nov. /2003"…
Sometimes… I met wisdom… "You don't loose patience if you always have something else to do!! … Internet lab, main library, 2nd / Dec. /2003"…
I was so strong at sometimes… "Why minding the jury when your concept is
"و قل اعملوا فسيرى الله عملكم و رسوله و المؤمنون" My studio, 17th /Dec. / 2003
Even when I was silent to others… "Oh Silence… my best friend why do you keep on hanging around me!! Always accompanying me!!................ Dr. Yasir office, 17th /Dec. /2003"
And I felt ecstasy at other times……" Glimpse at a place and a memory revive… no matter of the old feelings…. Ecstasy is reborn……….. Passing in front Dar al Omran, 21st /Dec. /2003"
Sometimes despite all the people around me… I chose talking to my old good friend… again… "-Today I buried a friend… -what friend?!....- just a bee… I met yesterday… I was crying and it lay dead on the window sill… I thought how merry it life would've been and how miserable my life was… I sank in my thoughts and forgot the bee… today… I was looking through the window when I glimpsed the bee… remembered yesterday and buried the bee!!... – how heartless you must be!................ during Ms. Leen lecture 21st /Dec. /2003
And wow… I was a good fighter… and a sarcastic too… "Get the Vibration on again!!....... home, 23rd /Dec. /2003
And never did I forget him… how can I??? "The moon is always there…. Lonesome and full… it is us that don't know how to see………….. Dakhlia circle, 28th /Dec. /2003"
How good it feels to know that… "Gotta do what you wanna do!.................. 5th year studio, 15th /Jan./2004"
Did I know it was the last time…. I don't think so…. But…. "Keep it hidden… keep it secret… ENCLOSE… then head to the end… successfully =>………………… Amman Arena, Amr khaled's lecture, 3rd /Mar. /2004"……….
Was I always holding into that notebook???? Why did I start??? Why did I end??? Maybe… it felt the right thing to do once… but… somehow… the right… seemed wrong… when the balance was disturbed…
I… I… made the choice… no… the two choices…
I… think am gonna make a new choice… now…]]
It's really weird to read my thoughts and feelings back then... shows how much we change... how much we grow... and how different we are from what we were... subhan Allah....
Thursday, April 06, 2006
prayer...
We are always caught up in our own bubbles… we live as if we’ll live for ever… we plan and plan… and pursue our plans…
Sometimes we forget!... but those whom Allah love… He’ll remind them…
So death struck us… struck a family… struck a friend…
Now… we are forced… to stop… to pause this fast tempo… and reflect upon our lives…
Ya Allah… in front of You we stand humble… May You forgive us for our sins… for our arrogance… May You forgive us all dead and alive…
May Your Peace sweep our hearts cleaning us from within… May Your Noor [Light] brighten our days… and show us the beauty of life…
May You take our souls with You pleased from them… May you grant us Your mercy and forgiveness…
May You teach us more the value of life… May You guide us more to Your love…
To You we belong and to You we shall return…
In memory of: Farah [my far cousin, 14], Kamal [my family friend, 40s], Ahamd AbdAllah [my friend's father, 50s].
Sometimes we forget!... but those whom Allah love… He’ll remind them…
So death struck us… struck a family… struck a friend…
Now… we are forced… to stop… to pause this fast tempo… and reflect upon our lives…
Ya Allah… in front of You we stand humble… May You forgive us for our sins… for our arrogance… May You forgive us all dead and alive…
May Your Peace sweep our hearts cleaning us from within… May Your Noor [Light] brighten our days… and show us the beauty of life…
May You take our souls with You pleased from them… May you grant us Your mercy and forgiveness…
May You teach us more the value of life… May You guide us more to Your love…
To You we belong and to You we shall return…
In memory of: Farah [my far cousin, 14], Kamal [my family friend, 40s], Ahamd AbdAllah [my friend's father, 50s].
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Dundee... a city of discovery!
Yesterday I went on a trip to Dundee… a Scottish city up to the north… and it was amazing…
I went there to attend a Fair about the Games industry in Scotland… the fair was good… but I spent more time wandering about the city than attending the fair…
Anyways…
The city is relatively small… not very dense nor diverse compared to Edinburgh… but still it has its own charm… for a starter it is quieter… and you have fewer cars… which allows more pedestrian movement… and in the city center… there is actually no cars… but people walking… and I loved that!!
Dundee has a waterfront riverside… the Tay River… and as I arrived a domed building struck my eyes… [I have to]… which turned out to be “discovery point” an exhibition to commemorate the famous expedition ship to Antarctica “Discovery” which was built in Dundee…
I went to there… and it is a worth-going place… the funniest time was when you are aboard the ship and you are free to wander about… I really felt like Captain Jack Sparrow… =) [courtesy of Pirates of the Caribbean]…
Beside that… I walked and walked… and further walked…
The city is great… it was a good time for me… Alhamdullilah rab ala’ameen…
I went there to attend a Fair about the Games industry in Scotland… the fair was good… but I spent more time wandering about the city than attending the fair…
Anyways…
The city is relatively small… not very dense nor diverse compared to Edinburgh… but still it has its own charm… for a starter it is quieter… and you have fewer cars… which allows more pedestrian movement… and in the city center… there is actually no cars… but people walking… and I loved that!!
Dundee has a waterfront riverside… the Tay River… and as I arrived a domed building struck my eyes… [I have to]… which turned out to be “discovery point” an exhibition to commemorate the famous expedition ship to Antarctica “Discovery” which was built in Dundee…
I went to there… and it is a worth-going place… the funniest time was when you are aboard the ship and you are free to wander about… I really felt like Captain Jack Sparrow… =) [courtesy of Pirates of the Caribbean]…
Beside that… I walked and walked… and further walked…
The city is great… it was a good time for me… Alhamdullilah rab ala’ameen…
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